


Careful What You Wish For

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [32]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Bad Decisions, Clingy Tony Stark, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Feels, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Lies, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Panic, Panicking Loki (Marvel), Pining, Sharing a Bed, Spells & Enchantments, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Warning: Loki (Marvel), Worried Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 03:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21439684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Loki is determined to tell Tony how he feels, despite a crippling fear of Tony's rejection. But he shouldn't have forgotten that his seiðr will do anything to protect him– including placing a spell on Tony that makes the mortal believe he's in love.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 53
Kudos: 420
Collections: Best Complete MCU Fics Ever





	Careful What You Wish For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AMidnightDreary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/gifts).

> This was prompted by **AMidnightDreary** back in _April,_ and I commandeered it for this series, which of course means it's only being posted now. Oops? Ah well, I hope you like it! (and I am putting her prompt down the bottom, so that people who don't want to be are not spoiled.)  
  
And thanks a heap to **STARSdidathing** for helping me with the summary! (they are my nemesis)  
  
**Prompt**— _“You’re everything to me.”_

Loki knew he had made a mistake the moment that Tony gave him his full attention. He thought that he had this well planned out– he thought that it would be easy, that all he needed to do was to tell Tony that he had something to say and then _say_ it, just as easy as any of their other conversations had been.

But when the moment came, with Tony’s brown gaze solely on him, with Tony’s expectant, curious smile curving along those lips that Loki so desperately wanted to kiss– all he could imagine was that smile turning into a frown, the light in Tony’s eyes going out to be replaced with rejection and disgust.

They were friends, and while they were close, Loki feared in that moment that friends was all that Tony would ever want them to be. And that ached, because… well, Loki wished for far more than a kiss. What he wished for, more than anything in the world, was for Tony to love him back.

He’d decided to tell Tony how he felt, because he had been hinting for months and had received no indication that Tony had understood– but now the moment had arrived, and all he could do was panic.

“Loki?” Tony asked, his voice so gentle it made Loki’s nerves crack. “What is it?”

“I love you,” Loki blurted– and then his breath caught, his heart hammered—

Tony’s eyes were widening, his lips parting in shock. And in that moment, Loki knew that he was about to lose everything. He would lose the grins, the jokes, the _understanding–_ he would lose the affectionate touches and the friendship, he would lose everything with Tony that he already held dear. In his greed he would only leave himself with nothing, like Icarus flying too close to the sun.

The pain tore through his chest and _exploded_, a flash of green surging out of control and seeking out the problem, protecting Loki the only way it knew how.

And when the green had been absorbed into Tony’s chest and Loki was left standing frozen, unable to breathe, unable to _think_, Tony’s face suddenly bloomed with an adoring grin.

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to– his thoughts were written all over his expression, in the way that he stepped forward and curled his arms around Loki’s waist without an ounce of hesitation.

“Tony,” Loki gasped, trying to lean away—

“Shh, Loki,” Tony whispered, turning his head so that his cheek was pressed to Loki’s shoulder, his nose brushing along the skin at Loki’s throat and sending a shudder through Loki’s entire body. “It’s okay. Just let me show you that I love you as well.”

If Loki hadn’t been panicking before, then he certainly was now. Because Tony didn’t love Loki – he _couldn’t_ – this was only a result of a fearful reaction, a self-defence that would end in only misery. He should have pushed Tony away immediately, because he _knew_ that this was wrong—

But then Tony let out a sigh that relaxed his whole body, going almost boneless and thus forcing Loki to wrap his own arms around Tony’s waist in order to hold him up.

“Tony,” Loki said again, knowing that his hands were shaking just a little, and sure that Tony would be able to hear the thundering beat of his heart in his chest. “I’m so sorry, Tony, I didn’t mean to do it—”

“It’s okay, Loki,” Tony whispered. “Whatever it is, I know that you would never hurt me.”

“But I have,” Loki replied, his voice a little hoarse. And, even though he knew that it was wrong to take advantage of the situation, he couldn’t help but lean forward and press his face to Tony’s hair, breathing him in and drawing comfort from the simple closeness. Holding Tony like this was something that had coloured his daydreams for quite some time, and now that he had been gifted the opportunity he couldn’t allow it to pass.

Except… he _hadn’t_ been _gifted_ it, had he? This opportunity was stolen, a manufactured moment of affection that never should have happened, because Loki’s seiðr had forced it upon them both.

“Loki?” Tony asked, glancing up with a frown– and Loki realised that his whole body had tensed at that sobering thought. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes,” Loki groaned, though for all that he _knew_ he should let go, he only held on a little tighter.

“What is it?” Tony asked gently, one hand leaving Loki’s waist to cup his cheek instead, stroking gently and yet firmly enough that Loki leaned into it with a bitten-off groan– because it was a gesture that he had wanted for so long, a gesture that was so much more than just friendship or even physical attraction. “Tell me, Lokes. So that I can fix it.”

Loki’s breath left him in a harsh exhale. “It’s just… all of this,” he started, not sure how to go about explaining. “You are not truly feeling what you think you are. My seiðr has influenced you, so everything you are feeling is false– and so this?” Loki raised his own hand and curled it around Tony’s wrist, gently pulling his hand from Loki’s cheek. He meant to let it go, then, but instead, Tony turned his hand in Loki’s grip and laced their fingers. Loki allowed it, his own fingers gripping Tony’s even as he said, “This is what’s wrong.”

“How can _this_ be wrong?” Tony asked, tilting his head with a frown as if Loki had said something completely inconceivable. “It’s us, and we’re together.”

“Tony—”

“We’ve been close for so long,” Tony said. “And I’ve loved you for most of it, first as a friend and then as something more. I have wanted to be with you for quite some time now, Loki, and… you just said that you loved me.” Tony’s smile suddenly turned so incredibly _happy_ that it left Loki stunned and entirely disarmed. “Do you _really?”_

“More than anything,” Loki said, no longer having the energy to say anything else– and not ever having had the will to deny it outright, anyway. “But it is _because _I love you that I should—”

“No,” Tony said, leaning forward once again and tucking himself under Loki’s chin, pressing as much of their bodies together as he could while they still remained standing. “You love me, and I love you. That means that we belong together, and _that_ means that I am never going to let you go.”

With those words, Tony tightened his grip as if to prove his point, and as he tilted his head, his lips brushed along the skin of Loki’s throat– and Loki’s breath caught in a gasp.

And then… well. The man that he loved was hugging him, was _holding_ him just like Loki had always imagined. What could he do but hold him back?

—

Loki had hoped that the effects of whatever his seiðr had done would not last long, that Tony would go back to normal in a matter of hours. He was content to stay with Tony for that time, embracing him and running his hands over Tony’s back and arms, allowing himself just a little longer to hold on to what he knew he would soon lose.

Tony was going to be angry with him regardless, and with Tony there and so… willing, it would have been cruel to them both to deny what they wanted, even if it was something less than perfect.

Loki would not do anything regretful– at least, nothing that _Tony_ would find cause to regret. It would likely pain himself, for surely the bite of loss would only be worse after a taste of what it might be like, to have Tony’s affections for himself, for _real_. Having Tony curled into his side on the couch was both a blessing and a curse– but he pushed the consequences away for now, so that he could just focus on the way that it felt, so that he could lose himself in a fantasy, if only for a single moment.

At least at first, Loki found that he was glad for the decision. Tony lay with his head pillowed on Loki’s shoulder and his hand stroking lightly over Loki’s chest, their legs entangled and their smiles bright enough to light the entire room. Loki had never seen Tony so happy, so at ease– it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, as if he had been carrying a crushing yoke that had eased in the moment that he had been hit with Loki’s seiðr.

And it _was_ easy, because it was just as they always had been, save for the fact that they spoke not from the opposite sides of a workbench but rather lying together as if they were lovers– and the illusion was so perfect that Loki almost found that he could believe it, though he knew that to allow himself to do so would be far too dangerous a thing.

The first hurdle made itself known when, after dinner and after a movie – with the Avengers watching on incredulously as Tony insisted on sitting pressed to Loki’s side for the first, and then _in_ Loki’s lap for the second – Loki told the room that he was heading to bed, and Tony then responded by stating that he was going with him.

At first, Loki had assumed Tony had simply chosen to retire at the same moment, but… perhaps he should have known better than that. And the moment the elevator doors closed shut, Tony glanced up to Loki with a smirk.

“So,” he said. “Are we going to your room, or mine?”

Loki stared incredulously for a moment, because– clinginess was all well and good, but surely Tony wasn’t suggesting—

“To _sleep_, Reindeer Games,” Tony chuckled, catching Loki’s thoughts from just the surprise in his expression. But then Tony’s gaze went soft, and his thumb brushed over the hand he held as he said, “I know I have something of a reputation, but with you, I want to do this right. I want to make sure that we relish every moment, every touch– that we take it slow, because we don’t need to rush.” He smiled, and leaned a little closer. “Because we know that we have all the time in the world.”

Loki’s breath shuddered in his throat, and he swallowed thickly. With those words echoing through his mind and Tony’s dark brown eyes staring at him pleadingly, there was never a question of whether Loki would agree– and he gave his acceptance with an answer to Tony’s earlier question.

“Yours.”

While the thought of welcoming Tony into his own bed was a pleasing one, he knew that this would be better for his long-term sanity. Because Loki knew that if he spent a night with Tony in his own bed, he would not be able to remove the thoughts from his mind every time he lay in it thereafter. And while he was sure the memory would be a happy one, the knowledge that it would never happen again would be a painful thing to bear.

And besides, when Loki considered the idea of lying in Tony’s bed, surrounded by him in every way possible… there was no sweeter thought. It also had the benefit of the fact that if the magic lost its influence during the night, then Loki would not have to suffer the embarrassment of Tony’s surprise and awkwardness. So long as Loki was the one to leave first, and Tony woke in his own bed… then there would be no problem.

He still felt nervous stepping into Tony’s bedroom, though he tried not to let it show. He transformed his clothing into something fit for sleeping with his traitorous seiðr, and then he allowed Tony to push him down by his shoulders until he was perched on the edge of the mattress.

It seemed that Tony did not want to let go of Loki for long enough to even go and change himself, but he did so with a last, lingering touch, and then returned in record speed. Tony threw back the covers and crawled under them, and then it only took an expectant smile for Loki to do the same.

Loki had been right– lying with Tony, in Tony’s bed was an experience that he was never likely to forget. Tony’s presence was overwhelming– the scent of metal and coffee was all through the pillow, the blankets, the _air_, and they were so wrapped up in each other that Loki couldn’t say which parts of them were touching what, save that they were touching _everywhere_. True to Tony’s word, there was nothing sexual about it. They were just holding each other, and it was perfect.

Even though… it really should not have been.

But as Loki fell into slumber, the memory of how this had happened fell away. He forgot that this had been orchestrated by his seiðr, and he forgot that Tony would be angry with him for it when they woke. And as he allowed sleep to overwhelm him, only the sound of Tony’s soft, _honest_ words echoed quietly through his mind.

_Let me show you that I love you as well._

There, in the darkness and with Tony held close in his arms, Loki very nearly managed to convince himself that the words had been real.

—

When Loki woke the following morning, he felt more content than he had upon waking in years. There was a warm weight against his front, and his lips curved into a smile as he drew Tony closer, needing to _feel_ him—

But then the memories of the previous day came rushing back in the very same moment that Tony shifted a little closer and pressed against Loki’s groin– and then everything froze solid.

It wasn’t surprising that he was hard. Even expected, really, considering the situation that Loki had found himself in. But it wasn’t _right_, because… well, because…

The thought that Tony would probably be receptive ran over every inch of Loki’s skin in a shudder of _want_, because the source of so many aching dreams was _just_ within his grasp. The desire to pull Tony closer still and grind their hips together, or to roll on top of him and press him into the mattress was so very hard to resist, but Loki knew that he needed to. So, he tried to will his arousal away, but that was even more difficult, because Tony was pressed against him, was turning his head to nuzzle at Loki’s skin, was warm and _loving_ and—

_Under the influence of seiðr. _

_That_ was more than enough to sober Loki’s thoughts and his reactions, because the thought of doing something like… well, _anything_ even pertaining to _that_ when Tony was in anything less than complete control left a foul taste in Loki’s mouth.

Extricating himself was quite a feat, considering how close they had become over the course of the night. Even in sleep, Tony tried to hold him tightly, and it took Loki a while to pry Tony’s fingers from his shirt. But he managed it without waking him, and rather than using Tony’s bathroom to clean his face or change his clothes, he simply made himself presentable enough with his seiðr lest he be caught in the halls, and then he turned toward the door.

He knew that he should leave. He knew there was a chance that by the time Tony woke up, he would not _want_ Loki there, but… if this was his only chance to experience a morning with Tony, then there was _one_ thing that he could not deny himself.

Slowly, cautiously as if he were afraid of being scolded, Loki stepped around to the other side of the bed. He ran his hands through Tony’s hair, feeling those soft strands running through his fingers. Tony leaned into the touch unconsciously, tilting up his head with soft hum which warmed Loki all the way through.

“I wish that I could have had this forever,” Loki whispered. He pressed his lips to Tony’s forehead, lingering for as long as he dared. Then he tore himself away with the suddenness of knowing he would never leave otherwise, and then he turned his back and headed for the door– but was stopped by a familiar, tired voice.

“Loki?”

Loki paused, and turned his head just enough so that he could see Tony out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re leaving?” Tony asked, his expression sad.

_Yes_. It was one word, one single syllable. It was the _right thing to say_, because the look in Tony’s eyes more than betrayed the fact that Loki had been wrong, that the spell was still in effect. And admittedly, Tony had woken earlier than Loki had been expecting him to, but it was not particularly encouraging.

Tony was still under the influence of Loki’s seiðr, and if that were the case, then… Loki could stay just a little longer, could he not? His reasoning the night before still stood firm, and he knew that Tony would likely be terribly distressed if Loki were to leave.

In a way, staying was the kinder option– at least, that was what he told himself. Because he was not strong enough to leave, and if he recognised how terrible the decision to stay was, then he would be caught in a tangled web of guilt no matter what he chose.

So.

“I will be back soon,” Loki said– and as he said it, he knew that it wasn’t a lie. He leaned down over the bed, and ran a hand through Tony’s hair once again, relishing in the way that Tony leaned into his touch, his eyes falling closed with a contented sigh. “Lie back, I won’t be long.”

Loki went to the kitchen, wanting to return with something even if what he really needed was to clear his head. But his frustrations were still simmering, and they began to bubble to the surface as he proceeded to try and make Tony his favoured morning beverage.

And it was only a few minutes later when Thor walked in and paused by the counter, his frown more worried than confused.

“Brother?” Thor asked curiously. “What are you doing?”

“This machine does not work,” Loki muttered, stabbing at one of the buttons and receiving only a faint beeping noise in response. “All I want is for it to spit out some coffee, but it just keeps on _hissing_ at me.” The final word was accompanied by a hand slamming down on top of the machine. It was a testament to the love and devotion Tony had for it and thus the care he had taken to its repair and reinforcement after the last time Rogers had managed to pull off one of the knobs that the machine barely made a sound at all under the assault.

There was a pause punctuated only by Loki’s heavy breathing before Thor spoke again.

“You are angry at something else,” Thor said, his voice annoyingly thoughtful. “Loki, what is happening between you and Tony?”

“Nothing,” Loki said immediately, one hand curling into a fist at his side while the other continued to poke at the buttons.

Thor appeared to hesitate, and then when he finally spoke, it was with a tentative tenor to his voice that was both rare and a little sobering to hear. “You do not look at him as if he were a friend,” he said. “And nor does he look at you that way. I know that you have wanted more than friendship with him for a long time, so if he now feels the same way, why do you not—”

“He doesn’t,” Loki replied.

Thor’s frown deepened, and although he opened his mouth as if to answer, he closed it again not half a moment later. Perhaps he had been about to reply with what he had already said– perhaps he knew that Loki was smart enough to have noticed, because Tony’s actions and feelings the previous day would have been impossible to miss. But while Loki had always been a master of reading people, at interpreting their motives and deciphering how best to manipulate them toward Loki’s desired result… he never had been good at working out the way that people felt about _him_. His default had always just been to assume the worst, which was generally more often correct than not– but that meant that he had little practice working with emotion when it was positive. Thor _knew_ that, and he was only trying to help. Perhaps, if the situation had been different… perhaps Loki would have been grateful for it.

But none of that mattered, not really. Because even if Tony did feel something for Loki before all of this… he wouldn’t anymore. How could he, now that Loki had stolen his agency, his emotions, his ability to choose for himself?

Loki didn’t realise that his shoulders had slumped until Thor’s hand came to rest on one of them.

“Loki,” Thor said. “How do you know that Tony does not feel the same as you? Have you asked?”

Loki did not respond. He couldn’t, because there _was_ no way to explain it, not without reminding all of the Avengers of what he had done during this time under Thanos’ influence– not without being branded a villain once more.

What could he possibly say? That yes, he could see as well as Thor could that Tony wanted him– but only because of Loki’s seiðr influencing his every decision?

Tony was only acting this way because he was under a spell– and that once it was lifted, they would not even be able to return to the way that they were, because even if Tony forgave him, he would likely never be able to trust Loki again.

It was a terrifying thought, even outside the context of trying to imagine how he could explain it. Because now, Tony knew the truth. He knew that Loki loved him, that he wanted more than Tony was ever going to be willing to give– and while Loki wouldn’t _take_ anything that went beyond what was appropriate—

Well, except– he already had, hadn’t he? Tony wouldn’t have acted this way under normal circumstances, and yet Loki had been actively encouraging it.

That hurt more than Loki thought that he could cope with, and when he glanced up to see Thor watching him with such soft concern, he was almost tempted to fall into habits of old, to explain the problem and allow Thor’s optimism to help him come up with a solution.

But, instead, he plastered his lips with a wry smirk and gave one of the best performances of his life.

“There’s no need to worry about me, Thor,” Loki said. “This is new, but I will work through it, and I will be fine… at least, so long as this Norns-forsaken machine eventually does what it is designed to do.”

Thor smiled, relieved. “Good,” he said. “But… I do believe there is something else I can do for you. Wait just a moment.”

He moved to one of the kitchen drawers– and when it opened to reveal cutlery, he muttered under his breath, closed it with more force than was necessary, and then moved on to the next. The clutter of mixed up items in _that_ draw seemed to be what he was looking for, and then Thor ferreted around for a minute before victoriously withdrawing a small orange rectangle.

It was a card that was adorned with ten small boxes– one of which contained the stamped image of a cup of coffee. The card was also decorated with the name of a coffee shop, a logo, and an address.

“I believe Tony enjoys the coffees from here,” Thor said. “Perhaps it will be… safer, than making it yourself.”

Loki pulled a face, but he accepted the card nonetheless. Thor was right– procuring coffee from a coffee shop would both mean that the quality was more likely to be high, as well as limiting the possibility of damage being done to Tony’s coffee machine.

Speaking of, Loki turned the thing off by pulling the plug from the wall, not wanting to risk pressing the wrong button and causing it to explode right when he had found a more viable alternative.

“Good luck, brother,” Thor said, looking honestly _pleased—_

And Loki tried to push away the odd combination of shame and pride that blossomed in his gut as he left. It was a simple matter to skywalk to the address listed on the card, order the kind of coffee he knew Tony liked to drink, and then skywalk to the hall outside of Tony’s bedroom.

In the time it had taken Loki to return, Tony had returned to sleep. Loki paused in the door for a moment, just looking, because Tony was stretched out over the whole mattress, his legs twisted in the sheets and one hand reaching to the side of the bed where Loki had slept the entire night.

Loki caught the fond smile that was curving up his own lips, but even knowing it was there wasn’t enough to wipe it away. And it still remained when Tony arched his back as he pulled into wakefulness, Loki’s eyes following the lines of Tony’s ribs and the way that his hips pressed down into the bedding… and, well, the sight made Loki’s mouth go dry.

“Can I smell coffee?” Tony groaned, and Loki felt his smile flash into a grin.

“The cup is covered,” he said amusedly. “You should not be able to smell it from over—”

“And yet, I can,” Tony said. His eyes were still bleary from sleep, but he stretched out over the edge of the mattress with both arms and grabbed the air with his fingers. “_Gimme_.”

Loki chuckled but did as he was bid, crossing the space between them in a few short strides and placing the cardboard cup into those eager hands. Tony raised it to his lips immediately, even though he was just a few degrees off horizontal. He took several long gulps, then breathed a contented sigh.

“You know what would make this better?” Tony said, opening his eyes and looking at Loki curiously.

“What?” Loki asked, a little wary but prepared to go and retrieve whatever other beverage, item, or foodstuff Tony might be craving.

“If you came back into bed,” Tony said, his voice serious to the point of jest. “Come on. Why are you still standing over there?”

Loki might have _felt_ reluctant, but there was no hesitation in his steps as he moved around the bed and slid back into place. Tony’s grin was wide as he immediately pressed into Loki’s side in a way that made his intention impossible to miss, and Loki obligingly wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulders to draw him closer.

Tony continued to cradle his coffee between both of his hands, but the way they were leaning together was worth just as much as any hug.

“You didn’t have to go to the trouble of going _out_ this early,” Tony said, raising the cardboard cup slightly so that it was obvious what he was referencing. “You do know we have a coffee machine, right?”

Loki hid his wince, and made sure his tone was smug. “I know. And it wasn’t any trouble.”

Tony’s returned smile was soft, and Loki felt that special kind of pleasure that only ever came from bringing happiness to the one person you care about most in the world. It was something that Loki had only ever felt rarely in his life, usually only when he had managed to make his mother proud or when he had helped Thor out of a dangerous situation his brother had found himself in– but even so, this was considerably more powerful, completely overwhelming in the joy that it brought him.

And lying there, leaning against the headboard in Tony’s bed, cuddling with the man he knew to be the love of his life… it felt perfect, and Loki wished that it was something he could have always. He _yearned_ for it with all that he was, imagining what it would be like to wake up beside Tony for every remaining day of his life. It was a future so bright that it was _blinding_, the very notion of it ruining Loki’s ability to see anything else.

He wanted that more than anything… and even if this wasn’t real, perhaps… perhaps it would be better than nothing at all.

However, there was one fact that remained in Loki’s mind, that lurked in the shadows just waiting for the light to be extinguished. Because Tony wasn’t acting of his own accord, and the moment the spell ended, every happy moment would fade away to dust.

The spell had hung on through the night, and Loki knew that was likely because his seiðr was reacting to Loki’s own happiness. It was _only_ his seiðr, and it would be a simple thing to stop it, to remove the tendril that had worked its way inside Tony’s heart.

But when Loki thought of _doing _it, his whole body reacted violently, and he felt the sudden urge to clutch Tony even closer to his chest and never let go. Because he knew, he _knew_ that if he pulled back his seiðr, Tony would pull away and Loki would never have the chance to hold him again. And at the moment, with these new sensations and feelings so very fresh and raw inside him, he just couldn’t cope with the thought of losing Tony for good.

The only thing he could do was to hold on to what he had now, to enjoy it for as long as it would last– because as long as Tony was under the influence of Loki’s seiðr, Loki didn’t have to imagine what it would be like when he finally had to let go.

As long as he stopped Tony from doing anything regretful, Loki told himself that he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

It still left a sour taste on the tip of his tongue.

—

The day passed, as did the next. Hours bled together in an addictive, vicious cycle of happiness and guilt, and through it all Loki just _held on_, letting soft touches hold him together, even though they were the reason that he was shattering apart underneath.

He enjoyed every moment that they spent curled together, even if he knew that his arms would forever feel terribly empty every moment that Tony was not there. He loved spending time with Tony in the workshop, the jokes and the banter that had not changed but were only interspersed with a brush of fingers that lingered a little too long, or a touch to Loki’s waist, or a kiss brushed along the inside of Loki’s wrist.

The one thing that Loki never did was allow Tony to kiss him on the lips. Tony would always look so horribly broken every time Loki stopped him, but it was one area where Loki managed to remain firm. He told Tony that he wanted to wait just a little longer, that he wanted it to be _special_, because he loved Tony too much for anything less. Tony would always soften at that, and press a kiss to Loki’s cheek instead– and that always sent a terrible maelstrom of _everything_ through him, a mix of horror and joy and complete and utter remorse.

Every day, every _hour_, Tony would tell Loki that he loved him– and every time he did, Loki would say it back. It was that opportunity, the tantalising _chance_ that he might be able to say it enough times to make Tony believe that it was true which kept Loki’s head above water, which prevented him from falling into a darker void than any he had endured before.

Every time Loki told Tony that he loved him, he meant it with all his heart.

He just wished that _he_ could believe Tony meant it, as well.

—

It was just after the first week was up that Loki finally broke. It wasn’t a large event, but nor was it a simple straw– it was just the kick that he needed to realise just how much damage he had started to do, not only to himself but to _Tony_ as well.

They were curled together in Tony’s bed, as they had every night since Loki’s botched confession. Tony had tried again to kiss Loki’s lips, but had stopped himself before Loki had needed to with an apologetic smile, and trailed a line of butterfly kisses over Loki’s jaw instead. Loki had felt, in that moment, that if Tony had not stopped himself Loki might have almost allowed it– because it was so easy to imagine that this was _them_, that the only thing sitting between them was pure devotion and need.

It was the same when Tony held Loki close at night, when they chased away each other’s nightmares, and when they exchanged simple promises of affection spoken through the language of light touches throughout the entire day. Every moment left Loki feeling breathless, left him aching, left him forgetting that it would have to end.

But then Tony had breathed a few words against Loki’s skin, and it felt like the world was starting to shatter.

“You’re everything to me, Loki,” he whispered. “_Everything_. I don’t think I could be without you, anymore.”

And… well, Loki wasn’t sure that he could be without Tony, either, but not quite in the same way. When this inevitably ended, it would hurt, and he would be broken and scarred and would never entirely heal back to the way that he was. Perhaps he would have to leave, perhaps he would find it easier to continue his life away from Tony entirely rather than dealing with living in the same space but not even being offered the chance to continue a friendship. It would hurt, it would be hard, but he would fight tooth and claw and he would continue to _live_. But what Tony was suggesting… that was something else.

An _I love you_ was one thing, a promise layered with meaning, an emotion so powerful it seemed to overwhelm all else. But Tony’s words were not of love– they lingered along the border of obsession, something dangerous and unhealthy that was more damaging than anything Loki had ever expected, let alone something that he was able to stomach. 

Loki had thought he could continue this without causing any problems, but he _had_. He’d known from the beginning that he would ruin everything with his greed, and here he had only done so in a manner more spectacular than he ever could have imagined.

His heart was breaking for Tony, his mouth tasting of bile.

“Tony,” Loki whispered. “_Please_… you shouldn’t say such things.”

“Why not?” Tony asked, his eyes bright and honest. “I _love_ you. I don’t ever want to be parted from you. I wanted to wake up in your arms every morning, I want to spend every day by your side, and I want to fall asleep with you wrapped around me. I want every moment with you that you’re willing to give, because you’re _it_ for me– and I know that I am never going to want anyone else.”

So many of Loki’s own desires echoed in Tony’s voice– but it wasn’t Tony that was saying them, not really.

And it was in that moment that Loki finally came to his painful, but _right_ decision.

He needed to tear his influence out of Tony’s heart– and really, he should have done it a long time ago. Loki knew that he had continued like this only out of selfishness, out of his own, terrible desires. And while ending this would break his own heart, he knew that it was for the best.

Tony’s happiness was far more important than his love.

But as Tony curled in closer to Loki, his expression glowing with a smile so fond it could shatter Loki all over again– he couldn’t help but let that selfishness win once more.

_Just one more night_, his treacherous mind whispered. _Enjoy this, just for one more night._

Tony, after all, was already half asleep, his head pillowed on Loki’s shoulder, his breaths slow and relaxed. Loki knew that they would end up sprawled on top of each other during the night, they always did– but for now, they were resting comfortably together, fitting perfectly like two edges of a puzzle.

_Just one more night_, he thought, leaning down to brush his lips over Tony’s hair– and although the thought was a painful one, knowing all that he was about to lose, it also brought him a certain level of peace.

And when his eyes fell closed, he fell into a restful sleep without a single unpleasant dream.

—

Loki woke to the feel of fingers in his hair, smoothing down his head to his shoulders, dragging pleasantly over his scalp. He almost purred as he leaned into the touch, and he heard a warm chuckle just as he felt his pillow shake with mirth.

It would seem that, as predicted, they had moved during the night– and it was Loki’s head on Tony’s chest, with Tony smiling down at him adoringly.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Tony said the moment he noticed that Loki’s eyes were open– his smile fond, but not as openly adoring as it had been the night before.

It was a sudden and terrible reminder of what Loki was about to do, what he _needed_ to do. Ignoring the pain it caused – or rather, not ignoring it, but pushing through regardless, because he didn’t have a choice – he sat up so that he was sat beside Tony, but still close. Then, unable to resist one last indulgence, one _last_ touch, he lifted his hand and cupped Tony’s cheek.

“What are you doing?” Tony asked warily.

“Just… remembering,” Loki replied, stroking his thumb gently over Tony’s cheekbone. “Or rather, making sure that I _will_ be able to remember.”

“Where are you going?” Tony’s expression shifted, worry invading the earlier ease.

“Nowhere,” Loki promised. “So long as you want me, Tony, I will be right here. I promise you that.”

Tony’s frown turned confused, but Loki only saw it for a moment before he closed his eyes in concentration. He slid his hand down over Tony’s shoulders, letting it come to rest with his palm pressed over Tony’s heart.

His heartbeat was slow, and Loki was touched for a moment by the trust that implied– but then he made himself focus back on what needed to be done. His own heartbeat was far from calm, but that did not affect his ability to _feel_, to reach out and search for that piece of himself that had been doing so much wrong.

Except—

Loki’s eyes snapped open, round and confused– because he could find _no_ evidence of the spell itself.

“Oh,” he breathed. “_Oh—”_

“Ah, yes,” Tony said, and when Loki’s gaze flicked up, he saw that Tony’s lips were pressed tightly together. “_That_.”

“Then you know?” Loki asked, feeling a little strangled.

“I woke up this morning with a clearer mind than I have had in days,” Tony said. “Before, every thought that didn’t pertain to you just felt a little hazy, like the world wasn’t quite in focus unless you were there. It was strange, I admit.”

Loki winced, suddenly realising _exactly_ what his seiðr had done. For months before working up to confess how he felt, Loki had wanted Tony to _notice_ his feelings– and so his seiðr had taken that desire, and had made it so Tony would notice nothing else.

“Tony,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah?” Tony said, his frown deepening. “Okay, yeah, it was more than just strange, or weird. I know that I wouldn’t have… I would have held back a hell of a lot more without that– spell? Was it a spell? Whatever it was, it made me a hell of a lot more into cuddling than I normally am, although… maybe that’s just _you_. But either way, it felt like– I knew what I was doing, and I _wanted_ to do it, but it was odd because it was like all the worries that normally stop me from doing that sort of stuff just weren’t there anymore.”

Loki felt every word as a shameful brand against his skin– and he felt them tearing at his insides like a thousand shards of glass, as if the broken remains of his heart were being brutally removed, piece by piece.

“I know that there is nothing I could say to make this better, or to excuse what I did,” he whispered hoarsely. “I want you to know, however, that the initial spell was an accident, and I _never _sought to control you like that. And I know that what I did was wrong, that I should have removed my seiðr the very moment I knew that I could. My only explanation is that I wanted more time with you and that… well, that is no excuse at all.” Loki ran a hand through his hair, trying to ease some of the stress that he felt– but that only reminded him of how Tony’s hands had done the same not long before, and his teeth gnashed together instead. “Tony, I’m sorry that I took advantage of you.”

Tony’s eyes were wide, almost disbelieving– but before Loki could fall back into old habits and begin to assume the worst, Tony reached out and cupped Loki’s cheek with a gentle touch that Loki had never thought he would ever be blessed to feel again.

“Loki,” Tony whispered. “You never even _kissed_ me.”

“But I shared your bed,” Loki replied, becoming more distressed. “I held you while you were sleeping, I encouraged your advances when I knew they weren’t your own choice. I took so many things that I had no right to, and I—” Loki’s breath hitched, and before he could catch it again Tony was reaching out and gently cradling Loki’s jaw between the tips of his fingers.

“Shh,” Tony soothed. “You say that the spell wasn’t on purpose? I believe you. But Loki, when you say that your magic made me feel things that weren’t real?” He offered a wry smile. “I’m sorry, but you have never been more wrong.”

Loki blinked, sure that he had either misheard or misinterpreted.

“Loki, a few days ago, you told me that you loved me,” Tony said. “Did you mean it?”

“Of course I did,” Loki replied, his voice still hoarse– though now it wasn’t only from guilt and pain, but also shock and desperate, impossible hope. “With all that I am.”

“And I meant it, too,” Tony said. “I meant it then, and I mean it now. I love you, Lokes, and that’s something that no spell could ever make me say.” Tony paused then, frowning thoughtfully. “Well. Except probably a truth spell, but since that only proves my point further, I’m not sure that it really counts.”

“Tony,” Loki whispered, the ramble confirming more than anything that this _was_ Tony speaking, but… “After all that I’ve done, surely you can’t—”

“We’re going to need to have a chat about your magic putting spells on me without either of us giving it permission,” Tony said firmly. “But otherwise… Loki, I forgive you. From my perspective… yeah, you could have removed the spell, and you probably should have. But you didn’t take advantage, because you held me at arm’s reach even when we were as close as we could be. I’m not saying that all that you did was okay, but… Loki, you _are_ my everything. Not in the way that I would die without you… not with the targeted lens that the spell pulled over me. Loki, you’re my everything because everything is so much better when I’m sharing it with you.”

The words were laced with honesty, and the emotion in Tony’s gaze was strong enough that his eyes were almost beginning to shine with tears as well. And Loki found himself lost for words– lost, save for those three that had started it all.

“I love you, Tony,” Loki said.

And when Tony leaned in and brought their lips together in a kiss that they had both waited far too long for… the moment was as special as anything Loki could have imagined. And just when Loki thought that it couldn’t be any more perfect, Tony leaned back just enough so that he could whisper a timeless promise against Loki’s lips.

“I love you, too.”

And that… well, that was everything Loki had wished for– and it was everything that he thought he would ever need.

**Author's Note:**

> **AMidnightDreary**'s prompt—  
  
_(Probably) angsty prompt - Loki wants to tell Tony that he loves him, but he's so afraid of Tony's reaction that his magic acts up and puts a spell on Tony. It makes Tony act like he's completely, head over heels in love with Loki. He's very affectionate and clingy, and Loki enjoys it a tad too much. He doesn't know how to handle it and ends up doing nothing, because he can't stand the thought of Tony going back to "not in love with Loki" and hating Loki for what his magic did. Naturally, the spell wears off after some time, and Loki has to deal with Tony's reaction. _  
  
Thank you for the idea!


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